Part 4: Stop with songs and just be music

~ Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3 ~ Part 4 ~

~ Stop with songs and just be music. ~

When I was seventeen years old I had a walk-in experience on August 19, 1994. I’ll put it in as matter-of-fact terms as I am able to, I’ve always struggled immensely at putting this particular experience into words. I’m honestly not comfortable sharing this experience, which is why it’s been over 5 years since the last installment in this series. 

I left my body and I traveled through a tunnel of dense energies, quite possibly my subconscious mind, facing fears and negative entities as I traveled through. First, I underwent a massive psychic attack which I was ultimately able to free myself from and was able to traverse to the other side of this tunnel. It was like something did not want me to get to the other side and fought me the whole way, which I’ve come to believe was a negative entity attachment. All through this tunnel experience I thought I was dying.

On the other side of that tunnel I found myself inside of what I can only describe as a crystal pyramid surrounded by white light. I was right up at the pinnacle of the pyramid. While inside this structure I met with a handful of beings. I'm not sure of the number of beings that were there, that is fuzzy, and it was almost like they blended in with each other until I was communicating with one of them directly, and then that one individual would become my focal point. I’ve come to believe that was how my 3D mind interpreted speaking to some kind of higher dimensional collective.

I remember asking questions, but I don’t remember what they were or what the answers were, but it was all about music. Music was what I lived for and the only thing I was ever drawn to in life at the age of 17. I know the collective talked about sound, vibration, and music with me…although, the form of communication was less like “talking” and more like a form of telepathic communication; mental images and a conveyance of resonance that portrayed meaning that was far more effective than language. 

I was essentially asked if I would use my life in service, to make my purpose in life working with music to help humanity during a time of shifting. But the music they were talking about was not music as I knew it. At that time I didn’t know exactly what they meant, or in what way I would be working with sound/music. All I understood was that it was important, and that it had to do with music being utilized in some way my 17 year old mind could not comprehend.

I was told that I would have help accessing a level of energetic connection through sound/vibration/resonance that is mostly unattainable at this density of being by a joining of consciousness. I was told that this was a level of connection that all of my famous musician “heroes” at the time could not even hope to attain, and it lay dormant within me, but it could be activated if I agreed. I was resistant to this at first.

It was agreed that I would become a famous musician first, before moving into this other service. As a 17 year old kid obsessed with music, being a rockstar was something I desired greatly, it was the only way I comprehended being able to make a living playing music. There was no way I was going to say no to that. I agreed. That other being, the walk-in, joined with me.

In retrospect I believe that this pyramid structure that we met within had the functionality of creating a container where my vibration/resonance could be taken high enough that I could actually communicate with these beings at a different level of density…some sort of multidimensional container that allowed us to share the same space and communicate in person where the joining could occur.

I also now know that I had chosen this particular path of service before incarnating here, music was all I was ever drawn to as a kid. I also had many experiences traveling on sound as a kid (I wrote about this in PART 2 of my story.) Even though this was the path I laid out before incarnation, the fact that this walk-in required a joining of consciousness at the physical level, permission also had to be given by the version of consciousness that was in the physical vessel at the time of joining…which is the reason for this meeting in the crystalline pyramid.

In the days and weeks after this experience I remember talking about it with one of my closest friends, which makes it so much more real and able to believe these 28 years later. The telling of the experience was not bragging out of ego, it was just a need to share…he probably thought I was crazy…but it didn’t matter, we were friends in the way that it seems we can only have when we are young, all things can be open…and he didn’t judge me harshly. It was an extremely potent experience and I had needed to talk about it with someone, and I'm glad I did because it makes the memories much harder to doubt 28 years later. I’ve always found that talking about these kinds of crazy energetic & otherworldly experiences always makes them easier to believe further down the road.

My recounting and all of my reflections on this experience of course now come from the mind of a 45 year old, with a lifetime of trying to figure this stuff out. 

This joining meant I had another consciousness join with mine. I know that this other consciousness was a higher density version of myself, at least that is how to grasp it from a human perspective. I was not allowing someone completely different inside of my head, I was being given access to a higher density version of myself with a consciousness vastly different from the one I held in this incarnation, while at the same time retaining the full consciousness that I had formed in this physical incarnation. 

After this joining I experienced what you could kind of call coaching from this higher consciousness. I was taught about the nature of reality, or at least as much as I could understand because it did not match anything that I have been taught in the life I had up to that point. (I took to referring to this “teacher” as Socrates after reading the Dan Millman book “The Way of the Peaceful Warrior”.)  

I was taught about the pliability of this reality…how it can be shaped, formed, and molded if worked in the correct way, because all physicality stems from consciousness….physicality and physical form arises out of consciousness, not the other way as we’re taught. (And if you really think about it and all that implies, that changes EVERYTHING.) I was taught about karma, (which is really energetic balance, not anything at all to do with punishment) not allowing myself to become entangled here in this density. There is always a danger of losing yourself when coming into a place as dense as Earth. “Negative” karma, (which is really just a form of energetic entanglement,) was a very important topic. I was taught about how to instantly transmute karma (“Instant Karma”) though authenticity, instant transmutation, and holding higher frequencies, so that it could not take root within and lower my vibration, trapping me/us here…me/us being the blend of consciousnesses, higher density and the one that was formed in this incarnation. (Not that I'm perfect…at all. I’ve been a very cringe worthy human many times in my life.) 

Everything is vastly complicated by language & density…while it is pure simplicity at the vibrational root.

Throughout much of my teenage years and into my twenties I was always seeking information to corroborate what I'd learned. This was before Google and there was not a lot of information out there, at least not that I could find. This was a very lonely time of my life. I used to go to the bookstore and start reading random books that I couldn’t afford to buy in the tiny metaphysical section, trying to find any information that resonated and corroborated what I’d been working with. I don't believe I ever really found much corroboration at that time. There are two books that really stand out retrospectively that seemed to hold a lot of meaning for me at that time; “Many Lives Many Masters” by Brian Weiss, and “Memories, Dreams, Reflections,” Carl Jung's autobiography. I read both of those in the fall of 1997 after quite synchronistically finding both in the house I grew up in…and haven’t re-read either since, (maybe I should.)

Like I said, this was a very lonely time in my life. For the most part I was alone trying to understand experiences that I had and the view of reality I was starting to see. I had a small number of close friends, but had gotten to the point where I mostly didn’t talk about these experiences, and I felt alienated from even those closest friends.

I started going to Berklee College of Music in the fall of 1994, shortly after the walk-in experience, and was completely engulfed in the study and practice of music. Although I did learn a lot in music school about what we’ve defined music to be in our culture, it did not match up with what I had glimpsed and what had only so far been hinted at about the true nature of sound/vibration/resonance and traveling on music. The form of music that I learned about in school was not what I had been called to, it did not completely resonate, but I still had no idea exactly what I was looking for. I just knew that there was something missing. 

In my spare time, when I was playing music for fun and not for school, I would just create sounds and travel on those sounds for hours. No structure, no form, no chord changes, just following intuition and flowing to where it took me…a lot of times working with drones.

I have one very potent memory of jamming with another musician. We were just traveling on the sound, and at some point I found that my mind was controlling what he played as well. I was controlling and directing all of the sound being played by both of us. This mind blowing experience lasted for quite awhile. Afterwards he said that he “wasn’t even playing, that the music was just happening.” I never told him my side of the experience, even though it was quite startling that his experience actually corroborated my side of the experience. In fact I’ve never told anyone of this experience before right now, and that was at least 25 years ago.

From about 1994 to 1998 I worked through a lot of cognitive dissonance, but I did not write anything down unfortunately. (I didn’t start my practice of journaling every morning until the fall of 2012.) I actually felt that I was “not allowed” to talk about a lot of the teachings and the higher density information that I had access to, the time was not right. Something inside me told me to stop when I started getting into a subject that it was not time to talk about…even though I would often direct conversations in that direction. 

I have to specify that there was nothing controlling me, it was not someone else telling me what to do, it was an inner knowing that the time was not yet right and speaking of these things too early could cause karmic ties. 

My experience of reality was still continuing to be confusing, not matching up with the societally structured version of reality that I was forced to live my day to day within.

In 1998-99 I finally got to a point where I felt like everything I was learning in music school was worthless, that I would never use it. This was definitely a low point in my life. I was lonely, disconnected from this false reality matrix, but very alone in that disconnection without anyone that I could talk to about it. I had no way or hopes of finding anyone that would understand. Remember, there was not any internet community to speak of in 1998, besides AOL…and I had scoured those AOL chat rooms searching for anyone discussing something that resonated..to no avail. 

During this time I felt like the world was forcing me to decide what I was going to do with my life when I “grow up”. I was extremely broke, and I was angry at the fact that I had to “earn my right to live” in this world. I should say that I never went hungry, I always had enough, I was always taken care of, I was never truly scared for my life…but I was angry at others for allowing themselves to become so fully entrenched in the false matrix. A lot of times all that I could see of this societal existence was a form of slavery…this would have been the time when I would have used the word “sheeple” all the time if it actually had been coined yet. 

I had been shown glimpses of what lay beyond that false matrix, and I so wanted those experiences in my life with all of my broken little heart.

By 1999 I knew my time at music school was over, I was not getting anything out of it any longer and I was kind of turned off by music at that point. I was seriously considering and going to school for psychology / psychiatry because of Brian Weiss and Carl Jung. 

What I ultimately decided was to take some time and really focus on just playing music instead of learning about playing music, to give it a solid go as a career. I left school and dedicated my life at that time to putting a band together. Long story short, within a couple years the band I was in signed to Universal records and I was living out the rockstar fantasy. 

I was a serious introvert who went from being alone 99% of the time to not being able to be alone 99% of the time. That was a transition that was extremely difficult for me. All of a sudden I lived on a tour bus and everybody wanted my attention. I started to handle that with alcohol.

I don’t feel the need to dive too deeply into most aspects of this time in my life, but I will say that being famous is fucking bizarre…granted (and thankfully) I only ever experienced what I would consider to be a low level of fame. If my band had been extremely successful I would have been pulled into that seductive energy completely, that extreme vortex of ego, for the rest of my life, probably never escaping, ultimately pulled into the kind of karma trap I had been warned of. Being a rockstar was not my life's purpose, merely a potent and effective learning experience.

During the years of touring and playing live music almost every night, I was being shown how to take energy in and transmute it into something else, this is what I was shown myself doing on stage. This was my training as a transducer. 

Something that had been told to me was that I was a transducer, but honestly I had no idea what that meant, and didn’t think about it very often. It took many, many years to find any kind of corroboration at all about being a transducer. It wasn't until 2020 that I found the first ever information on being a transducer in a book by Dolores Cannon, one of the Convoluted Universe books I believe…unfortunately I don’t remember which one. I wrote that down someplace but have since lost it. (Note to self:  FIND THAT!)

During my rockstar period I was mostly “turned off”. I dialed way down most communion with my higher self, the part of me that was a walk-in….alcohol does that very effectively. Occasionally I would remember and become very sad feeling like I was not doing what I was supposed to be doing. I wrote a bit about my experience as a rockstar in the first installment of my story, Part 1: Mission Statement. (I don't really want to repeat myself, I believe I captured the essence of what it was like there.) But these were all experiences that I needed to have, that which would make my future path less bumpy and less prone to hijacking…from others as well as from my own ego.

By 2010 I had left the rockstar lifestyle behind when the band I was in went into indefinite hiatus. All my success had seemingly dried up. I was broke and left to my own thoughts again…and that was a very good thing. Sober and left to my own devices I fell right back into seeking answers to the metaphysical dilemmas of my youth. I started to rekindle the information and higher consciousness that I am connected to.

In this reawakening / rekindling I realized how just much information was now available through the internet!!! It was amazing! There are so many people sharing amazing experiences and spiritual teachings, videos on spiritual topics where getting millions of views, access to any and every book… It was vastly different from when I was so desperately seeking info and corroboration in the 90’s. What a blessing this time is.

During this time I also received several offers to work with some well-known bands, but I kept turning any gigs down. Part of me was wondering if it was self-destructive behavior, but another part was starting to remember and felt like something else was coming…and it was.

Around this time I also started using my voice for singing. Prior to this guitar was my main instrument all throughout school and with the band. I had always been terrified of using my voice. Honestly, I believe that singing is what actually started my reawakening…(but that is a story for another day, unless I want to let this turn into a full length book.)

From 2010 to the fall of 2012 I just kind of floated. I slowly disconnected from my rockstar life and stopped drinking completely. I was writing songs and singing, performing acoustic shows and playing in another band as the lead singer. But honestly I had absolutely no idea where I was going next, so I was just falling back into doing what I knew in the interim.

On October 28th 2012 I received a very specific, very direct message, very loud and very clear. I heard a voice that said two things; it was time to “Stop with Songs and just Be Music.” …and then “Be with the people that set your heart on fire.”  A very strong and clear directive. It was time for massive change.

The very next day I was very synchronistically invited to hear a native elder speak, David Lonebear Sanipass. I intuitively knew that it was connected to those messages. I was intrigued, he was from the same people that my ancestors are from, the Mi'kmaq people. My great grandfather was full blooded, and my mom has always carried that torch strongly, so I felt a connection and a curiosity. That night David talked about some of the information that I had been receiving for many years…as well as ways to actually activate that knowledge. It was like he was talking directly to me…maybe he was. That night, on the way out he stopped me to ask me “Why are you so bright?”

I spent the next couple of years attending David's speaking events and ultimately learning from him directly. He corroborated a massive amount of information for me, opened new doors, and helped me to to activate myself towards my true purpose in this life.

Part of the work I did with David was on understanding sound and resonance from the perspective I had been seeking since that day when I was 17. He had me using tuning forks, listening to recordings of whale songs, taught me different types of vocal toning...He had me focusing on working with integrating energies beyond my voice within the sound I was creating…using my voice but incorporating other elements and energies, creating multidimensional sound, (which is where the 2016 album title Multidimensional Voice came from.) He also started me working with group energy on a regular basis, facilitating a kind of toning called bees breath, which I’ve since facilitated hundreds of times, utilizing that toning at all of the in person events I’ve facilitated ever since. 

Interestingly, I never told David of my experience inside the crystalline pyramid when I was 17, but he told me almost the same exact things I had been told in that pyramid. So many amazing synchronicities. Ultimately David and I drifted apart, as happens with the greatest mentors…in order to be myself through and through I had to break away from that influence. I am forever grateful for David helping me to remember how to activate myself once again. 

By 2014 the floodgates opened and I had a lot of massively life changing experiences. Some of these experiences sound almost too fantastic to have happened, but you can decide for yourself; I wrote about some of these experiences in Part 3 of my story, A Flavor of Ascension. (So again, I do not feel the need to repeat myself.)

At some point around 2012 I realized that I was no longer being guided to hold back any information, but I had been holding it in for so long that it was very hard for me to get used to opening up and talking about those things. I had actually been asked repeatedly to share some of the information I was holding, and I had started writing blog posts regularly. I was also asked repeatedly to share my story, which I started in 2017, and now I'm continuing to do so here…although it's been over five years since the last installment. 

I've never been someone that likes to open up and share a lot because I've always had such a vastly different perspective than others. Staying quiet was always a safety mechanism…but I have to say that writing that information down in blog posts helped to solidify it. There are many blog posts on my website going back a full decade. (I’ll recommend a handful at the bottom of this installment.)

In 2017 I finally moved into doing sound healing full-time after several years of mostly keeping it to myself, only sharing with a select few. I had been resisting. I’d been afraid to go all in with this work because I had been holding that side of myself inside for so long, and I also had spent so much time proving myself as a “respectable musician,” what would it mean for my reputation if I went public with all of this woo-woo stuff? …even though I had already walked away from that life and been practicing sound healing for several years, I did not do it openly and I never posted videos.

In the fall of 2016 all at once 100% of my income dried up. This forced my hand into pursuing sound healing as a way to make an income, as at the same time I kept repeatedly getting offers to hold group sound events.

Even though I had been doing some sound healing work publicly here and there, I had only been playing the bowls, I had not ever utilized my voice in the way that I’m known for now in a public setting. Once all of my income dried up and it didn’t seem like it was coming back I decided to book some events to see what it would be like to sing with the bowls in front of an audience…which terrified and excited me…usually the sign of the right direction.

Those events in the late winter of 2017 went extremely well. Directly out of those events I was offered other events, within a matter of weeks I had a full schedule, and my schedule remained full with in-person group events until 2020 wiped out all in person events of any kind. Once in person wasn’t an option I moved seamlessly into doing sound healing events online and started posting a lot of videos on social media.

I was finally doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing, what I came here to do, what I had agreed to do, and what my higher self has been preparing me for since I was 17 years old. The 1st Directive: Stop with songs and just be music. 

I've also been bearing witness to the changes that I’d been anticipating for decades kicking into high gear these past few years. The energetic structure of this planet, of this solar system…it is shifting. We are entering into a new time, and I am here helping the best I can. (As are you.) As a transducer I take the higher frequency energies that we are unable to integrate because of the density we are held in by our societal structures, and with the help of a group coming together to focus the energy I take the focused energy in and transduce it into something that can be absorbed and utilized. That is the best and most direct way I am able to describe what I do, and that is what I am currently doing to the best of my abilities…so this particular arm of the galaxy of this story is up to date.

At this time we are in the process of shifting frequencies. We are learning to hold a new resonant structure. Whatever words you assign to that shifting; new earth, 5D, ascension…we are in the midst of that. We are in the time when everything has changed, is changing, and will continue to change. 

I know there is much, much more to come, and I don’t know how long this transition period will last. Will it be another 5 years? Will it be another 500 years? I don't know. I do know that there are others out there like me that know they are here in service to this great time of shifting. Maybe you've been receiving teachings about this time of change for decades like I have?

I do not have all the answers, and a lot of times I do not feel like I have any answers. What I do have are puzzle pieces that do not quite fit together. I know that there are others out there also holding pieces of this puzzle. At this density we can each only individually hold fragments of this information…but when we come together…when we come together…that is when the magic happens. At least that is what I've been taught. 

I'm trying to find others like myself, to find the holders of these pieces. I don't even completely know what that means, or what that looks like, but I do know this is the time to put out the call. 

We are here for a reason. Please remember. Please help me to remember. When we come together and hold intentions together, remembering becomes easier and easier. I’m very curious to see what is coming next.

Bring the people together.
The 2nd Directive: Be with the people that set your heart on fire.


Ben Carroll's Story:
~ Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3 ~ Part 4